So, These Are My Options...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Last Thursday night, a date that shall live in infamy.

A brief background: in my mildly obsessive advance-planner nature (to ensure against the bleak reality that it might come to this) I use to implore dear friends, namely college roommates, to do me a favor
that is, if, a big if, it came to this"Just take me out in the back yard and shoot me. Pull that trigger and don't look back."

Yet despite my trepidation, despite the tattling tales (read NCMO) and flailing red flags I signed up. Yup. Got myself a snazzy screen name and signed up for an online. dating. service. {Gasp}. Turns out, my little "2009 is Mine!" mantra made me do it. Under its influence I rationalized six months at $65 is such a small investment to my impending eternal future. I told myself that I was opening my heart, in addition to my wallet, to the possibility of love. Keeping my options open while demonstrating to the universe my undaunted determination. And so began the longest six months of my life...

To date (no pun intended) I have 2.5 months left of my membership. If you are considering such an option I highly recommend signing up in February (love month) and ending it in a dramatic Shakespearean flair right after the big 3.0. or 30+ mark!

After signing up I quickly realized:

  1. Location, location, location: 85% of of the men lived "out west." (yeah, yeah I'm from the west, but I currently live in the east. A city I love, btw.)
  2. Awkward: Online dating might increase the odds of meeting with basement-dwellers or do-I-really-want-to-go-there online addiction folks.
  3. D-day: Inevitable, as the age ratio to d-factor is directly proportional. It just is.
  4. Picture perfect: Good thing five years of orthodontics paid off, cuz that's what I'll be judged by.

A couple months of virtual flirts and IMs later lead to Date #1. Forgetable enough to warrant no post. Suffice it to say the restaurant he took me to involved a balloon-making clown. True story.

Date #2, last Thursday, was even better. My favorite part of the night was when D #2 asked me one of three questions for our entire 3.5 hours together.

Him: So, what do you like to do for fun?
Me: Inhale (prepping to respond)
Him: Ohhh, yeah, I totally went to this club a couple months back. It was amazing! You should check it out...

I made a list of the things my two dates had in common.

  1. Both incessant talkers
  2. Both picked me up in a rental car. Weird.
  3. Both balding. (D #2 tried to cover with a visor). WHO wears a visor?
  4. Both non-college graduates
  5. Both divorced
  6. Both into this
  7. Both shorter than listed on their profile (not cool)
  8. See #1

Hmm, maybe they'll hook up.

Ps- My cover
if I do end up with an extended off-line romance from this experienceis a mutual friend set us up.


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