Ruminations on Institute.

Monday, March 1, 2010

This past week I had a profound epiphany. It was one of those moments where the heavens parted and I was left stunned. Really. I'd like to think that my spirit has been vaguely aware of the intricacies behind this moment, but I'm glad I was there, last Tuesday night, left to soak in the indelible meaning of that moment. While I tried to maintain composure, tears were inevitable, as the instructor's question gashed open a wound that I thought had healed.

You see, we've been studying the talks of Elder and Sister Holland. Enough said, right? Well I had been anticipating our discussion based off this talk that had once been my adolescence staple. (No I wasn't in the Marriott Center when the talk was originally delivered, as was the instructor giving the lesson, but I do recall reading it for the first time.) And while
the conversation could have gone in a multitude of directions it didn't. It was focused and intense. Touching on individual experiences and our collective convictions. Which, to be honest, I've struggled with the last couple years.

Two pieces that stuck out to me:

1. Choosing to live in the confines of an abstinent life while still being a sexual being is a reality. Sometimes a bleak reality that is rarely spoken of. (Note: Nodding heads affirmed that I, and the woman who shared this truth, were not the only ones that struggle with this reality. Not by a long shot.)

2. We are actively expressing our procreative powers everyday, whether we are in a covenant relationship, or whether we are safeguarding this power for a future expression.

Did you get that? Everyday. Wow. It's not just about repression. It's about incredible control. The self-control that in this life will ultimately lead to a continued expression in another realm. This holds a lot of water for me. Yes, there have been occasions when I could have walked away from my personal obligations. Left my covenants at the door and simply given in. It may have been easier. I'll never know for certain. And however I may regret the circumstances surrounding those situations, I have never regretted staying firm to what I believe is the crux of this Law.

But such a total, virtually unbreakable union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with the union of all that they possess--their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams. They work together, they cry together, they enjoy Brahms and Beethoven and breakfast together, they sacrifice and save and live together for all the abundance that such a totally intimate life provides such a couple. And the external symbol of that union, the physical manifestation of what is a far deeper spiritual and metaphysical bonding, is the physical blending that is part of--indeed, a most beautiful and gratifying expression of--that larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise.

This, in part, guides my decision to live a chaste life. I find solace knowing that the law of chastity, the law I chose to abide, is a deeper reflection of total union. A reflection that is deeply personal and in many ways comforting.


  1. LOVED this post!! Thanks so much for sharing.

  2. well said, my blog friend.
    well said.


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