Golden Valley

Thursday, July 1, 2010

There is a scene from one of my favorite films that has been replaying in my head
for the past month.

I use to watch this film on an annual basis. It was my emotional catharsis. 
You see, I needed this film. It both shook and shaped me.
I internalized and identified with the characters.

On two occasions I even played portions of the film for different academic audiences.
It wasn't a box office sensation. In fact, few people had actually see,
much less heard of it. (Which was, after all, fine by me.)
Because in a strange way I felt I owned this cinematic experience.

While I can't recall the last time I watched (read: wept) through this film,
I've been experiencing the visceral reality of this moment.
Again. And again.

-You happy?
  Yes.
-What kind of happy?
  Just happy.
-You know my kind of happy? 
  How stupid. I forget. When you ask a question, it means you have the answer waiting.
  So go ahead, tell me.
  Come on.
-I'm not telling you now.

.......................................
Later
.......................................

-You know, I don't want to be somewhere else anymore.
              I'm not waiting for anything new to happen...
              not looking around the next corner and over the next hill.
              I'm here now. That's enough.
 That's your kind of happy, isn't it?
- Yes. Yes, it is.

Perhaps I'm beginning to understand the significance of that moment.
This moment.
Living in the NOW part of things.
Not waiting.
Not looking.

It's a process.
A process that, for me, is beginning to unfurl in an unexpectedly beautiful way. 

1 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. Glad to hear that you are enjoying the process and realizing that happiness is here. I get glimpses of this happiness and am learning how to hold on to those moments of awareness and peace.

    ReplyDelete

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