I Never Know What to Say

Wednesday, March 26, 2014



When someone asks me how I like St. Louis.

This usually happens when I am at an event with a group of people I do not know. This happened to me at a luncheon a couple of weeks ago. A middle-aged woman, sitting across the table from me, squawked her getting-to-know-you question and I froze. With several sets of eyes on me, wanting to make a good impression, I stammered and said something like It's good. The cost of living is great and... you know. But I couldn't really come up with anything else. And I felt foolish.

That's not to say that there wasn't anything else to say. For example, I could have mentioned how everything is 15 minutes away. Seriously. I can get to all the important places in 15 minutes or less. And traffic? Nearly non-existent in this part of the country. Or I could have spouted off something from this handy list. Heck, the Huffington Post even compiled 26 reasons why I should appreciate this hidden gem of a city. Yet even though I have lived in St. Louis for 18 months, and will, for the foreseeable future continue to call this place home, I still feel out of place. So I fumble and try not to offend anyone when giving my answer. But inside it always feels forced. Like I'm faking it. My eyes betraying me, barely concealing the truth in my heart.

It's strange to call a place home that doesn't really feel like home. And at the same time, it's strange to feel like a place is home that you may never live in again. If I stammer a bit, please forgive me. I know you Midwesterners are a nice bunch of folks. For now I'm learning to be grateful for time to grow in this place however long that may be.

2 comments:

  1. I know the feeling, though briefly. Home really is where the heart is. Soon you'll feel more at home once you're settled in your new place and your little one is in your arms :)

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  2. Been there, done that and I completely feel your pain. Here's hoping we both find places that truly make us feel at home again.

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